DrRich’s Global Solution To All Our Problems

DrRich | June 3rd, 2010 - 6:24 am

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Dr. Marya Zilberberg has an interesting post on Kevin,MD, speculating on the effect a worldwide oil shortage will have on healthcare, and what we ought to do about it. Marya is herself a notable blogger who has commented here several times (but whose comments, alas, were among those lost when the catastrophe struck), and she is one of the more thoughtful critics of DrRich. Her criticisms are always fact-based rather than ad hominem, and thus she always gets DrRich to thinking. Her post on Kevin, MD had that typical effect.

So DrRich hopes his readers will give Marya at least a little of the credit for what follows.

We as a nation face several apparently intractable problems at the present moment. Indeed, the problems individually seem so unsolvable that it will obviously take some major “outside of the box” thinking to solve any one of them, let alone the whole mess.

DrRich refers, of course, to the following five problems:

1. We as a nation face more than $50 trillion in debt obligations over the next several decades, thanks to Social Security and Medicare alone. This is an obligation we have no prayer of meeting.

2. Thanks to that massive accumulation of debt, we as a nation are mortgaging our futures to foreign nations, principally China. In fact, this totalitarian power will soon have veto authority on any initiative the US proposes to take.

3. We face an apparently growing threat of terrorist attacks whose base of operations (while it may be insensitive to say so) is in the Middle East.

4. Thanks to our profligate use of oil products, we are causing runaway global warming (and anyone mentioning the past decade of global cooling is a global warming denier).

5. As Marya points out, we appear to be drawing ever closer to a worldwide oil shortage that will threaten every aspect of our lives, even our healthcare.

Marya’s post was the key for DrRich.

DrRich, being a conservative American, has previously subscribed to a “Drill, Baby Drill” sort of philosophy. After all, we have oil in the ground, and we need oil to run our economy – so let’s go get it ourselves, instead of paying all that money to Middle Eastern and Venezuelan dictators, who just turn around and give it to terrorists.

But now DrRich sees the error of his ways.

There is a simple and straightforward solution that addresses all five of our intractable problems, indirectly if not directly.

Here it is: Stop drilling altogether. Leave American oil in the ground. And buy up all those other peoples’ oil (and take physical possession of it) – as fast as we can.

The estimated worldwide oil reserve is about 1 trillion barrels. Let’s buy as much as we can of those reserves, and bring it here. At $100 a barrel that’s only 100 trillion dollars, or only twice what we’re obligated to pay for our old farts over the next few decades. But the difference is, when we spend all that money on Social Security and Medicare, all we’ve got to show for it is old farts who are even older. But when we spend that money buying up the world’s oil, we’ve got a corner on the market.

Where are we going to put all that oil, skeptics might ask? Why, we’re going to store it in the rapidly-depleting Ogallala Acquifer, which is capable of holding up to 978 trillion gallons. The world’s oil reserves, if we choose to follow DrRich’s plan, will be right under Kansas and Nebraska – the heartland.

Even if the price of oil rises to substantially higher than $100 per barrel (which it certainly will as the world’s supplies become sequestered beneath Lincoln and Dodge City), it will still be a bargain for us to buy it up. It will be a bargain at any price. After all, we’re already in a debt hole so deep we cannot possibly get out of it. If we’re destined to perish in a sea of debt, we might just as well drown in $500 trillion as $50 trillion of debt. We’ll be just as dead either way.

So we should be delighted to accumulate whatever amount of debt is required in order to corner the world’s oil market. It’s our only hope.

Because, when the only oil left in the world is American oil, we strike back. Our oil will be a precious, life-sustaining commodity, which nobody in the world can do without. Even if energy technology develops to the point where people can really fly around in airships powered by solar batteries, oil will remain precious. Just try building those solar batteries without petroleum products. Marya herself points out that it’s only petroleum products which allow us to do all the remarkable stuff we do every day in healthcare, as well as in every other modern endeavor.

We’ll be able to charge whatever we want for our oil – DrRich (a humanitarian) is thinking merely $1000 a barrel, as a nice round number. We’ll be able to pay China back, and any other of our debt holders, in a trice. And in another trice they will all owe money to us (like in the good old days).

The Middle Eastern terrorists will become defunded.

Since nobody else in the world will be able to engage in hydrocarbon pollution any longer without our say so, we can control worldwide carbon emissions as we see fit, and “tune” the earth’s temperature like a fine clock.

Best of all, since (according to the current plans of our leaders) the American government will remain permanently in the hands of benign progressives, who by definition care very deeply about the people of the world, all this will be done with the most beneficent of intents, which will assure the very best of outcomes.

Of course, none of this will work if it turns out the world’s oil reserves are vastly greater than current official estimates. This might be something to think about, considering that today’s oil reserves are twice what they were in 1980, even though we’ve burned through (and, of course, spilled) 30 years of oil since then. Thankfully, the experts assure us that this time they’re correct. And if we’re not going to listen to the experts, what the heck are we paying them for?

Besides, given our current situation, we have nothing to lose by trying. So: Cap, Baby, Cap!

________________________________

Now, read the whole story.

DrRich explains it all in, Fixing American Healthcare – Wonkonians, Gekkonians and the Grand Unification Theory of Healthcare.

Now on Kindle!

7 Responses to “DrRich’s Global Solution To All Our Problems”

  1. RR says:

    Before you can be named Obama’s petroleum czar, you will need to spell petroleum correctly.

  2. Praveen says:

    Dr. Rich,

    I’ve got to weigh in on this one. While not a Peak Oil “doomer”, peak oil is an issue that I’ve followed for years, even making my own contributions at times:

    http://truecostblog.com/2009/07/14/is-peak-oil-real-a-list-of-countries-past-peak/

    All but 14 of the world’s oil-producing nations have passed the point of peak oil production, so it will be downhill sooner rather than later. The global recession bought us a short breather, but it will be interesting to see how constrained oil supplies play into the mix of other issues on your list!

    Ever the optimist, I still think we’ll get out of this jam. My problem is that I’ve still got too many decades left to go, so I have to think positively.

  3. Marya says:

    Dear Dr. Rich,

    I am flattered and honored to have sparked this intellectual meandering for you. As intrigued as I am by your solution, I cannot tell if you are presenting it tongue-in-cheek. And they call me obtuse :) !!!

    Thanks again.
    Marya

    • DrRich says:

      Marya,

      You are welcome. My goal, most of the time, is trying to get my point across in such a way that the stone-witted bureaucrats working in the government’s Office of Misinformation Detection and Eradication, all of whom will doubtless be irony-challenged, will not immediately understand what I am saying. Since they will be on the quota system, they will not be able to spend the time figuring it out, but will move on to more obvious pastures and leave me alone.

      Sometimes, though, I overshoot the mark, and even normal people have trouble with my message.

      In this instance, whether what I’m presenting is a good idea or not entirely depends on whether current estimates of worldwide oil reserves are actually in the ballpark or not. Obviously, I don’t know, myself. But if we’re to take drastic action on the reliance that reserves are as limited as many experts tell us (which many urge us to do), my proposal for drastic action, I submit, is at least as likely to be useful as many I’ve heard.

      Rich

  4. Chris FOM says:

    Bravo DrRich, this is one of your best-written posts yet. The irony is so carefully crafted and the satire so subtle and bordering on plausibility that I’m still not entirely sure which parts you mean in sincerity and which were careful hyperbole.

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